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ENOUGH!! Part 2 of 3

Have you thought, ENOUGH?  Ever wanted to say, ENOUGH!?  Have you SHOUTED, ENOUGH!!?  These thoughts, words, cries, shouts, prayers, self-talk conversations and real conversations are the focus for this part article 2 of 3 on ENOUGH.   In the first article we talked about how we ARE enough!  Rewinding our tapes, extending forgiveness, learning from our past and being grateful.  This article will focus on ENOUGH, when we realize what behaviors, situations, practices, habits, thoughts, relationships and more…..have to STOP!!!

First, a caution or actually a WARNING for some of you.  In relationships we may come to a crossroad because of another’s actions towards us.  If you are experiencing physical, emotional pain or injury at the hands of someone else…..GET HELP!  There are crisis hotlines, the police, and other agencies to help you.  Here is one resource, National Domestic Violence Hotline – 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233). Find other resources to help you in your community at a doctor’s office, the library, online, phone books…..please do it, make the call, your life is valuable and you are worth it!  Cry from the mountaintops – ENOUGH!

For others, your situation may not be at that critical intersection, however, you have been feeling the need to say ENOUGH to your friend, spouse, sibling, child, family member, co-worker, boss, subordinate, another person or yourself.  Say it with me now, ENOUGH!  You are the only one who can take charge and stop receiving those behaviors from others or exhibiting those behaviors yourself.

What behaviors you might be asking?  Any behavior that is hurting you, conversations that belittle you or cause you to feel “less than”, situations that cause pain to others, behaviors that are not aligned with your values, unhealthy choices, all can stop.  While the time we have accepted that behavior, those words, jokes, sarcasm, and actions has been the norm in our past, it does not mean it has to stay that way.  ENOUGH!  Today is the first day of the rest of your life, so the saying goes.

It’s time to ask yourself a few questions.  If I desire to feel worthy does that type of behavior move my thoughts and/or actions towards my desire of feeling worthy or does it move me away from feeling valuable?  Does the behavior of that person, myself or those people help guide me toward positive goals and outcomes or not?  Is that person’s or my behavior something I want as a part of my legacy?  Do I want to pass that behavior, habit, those words, that action along to others in my life?

For some of us, we really don’t know.  Our lives have been in this pattern for so long, we don’t have a clue how it could be different.  Where do we start?  Do you desire to make a change?  Your values, beliefs, goals, past, purpose, relationships can be investigated, examined, and reviewed. You can put boundaries in place to put your life in control.  You CAN do this, you are worthy – it’s time to scream ENOUGH!!!

If this is something that you would like assistance doing, you can reach out to a counselor, trusted friend, family member or like myself, a Life Coach.  Here is the link to the Speak To Me page to connect with me. The power is yours, the desire to change, set boundaries, and improve is yours.  If what you feel right now about your situation is a desire to be different, a step is necessary.  This is exciting, scary, thrilling yet unsettling.  Change is like that.  When you take the first step you are empowering yourself to make a difference in your life.  Powerful!

For a quick example, going from our first article in this series, I described an ongoing issue with body image.  When I realized tapes were playing that tangled me in behaviors that resulted in a large size, poor health, low energy and other issues, I said ENOUGH!  I participated in a group that was starting about health issues – changing behaviors to better our health and lose weight.  I had tried several previously but this was different!  This study group had us look at why we did things, what was our motivation and held us accountable to the behaviors we desired to change.  This group I believe, saved my life.  It certainly changed my life!!  After months of participation, behavioral, emotional, spiritual and physical changes with accountability I was able to shed many pounds, take up new activities, have additional energy and bottom line?  I really liked who I was becoming!  It’s a process, there have been some setbacks that I have chosen with my own behaviors and other dynamics that happened.  I am comfortable with me, I am enough.  I continue to look for ways to better my health – in all areas, physical, emotional, spiritually and behavioral.  This is a journey and I am excited about the journey.

What would your life look like if you shouted ENOUGH and took steps to either set up new boundaries, remove yourself from a situation or relationship, learned a new behavior and/or moved forward to set goals to become a person with a purpose?  How would that affect your day to day life?  How do you see that possibility playing out in your life?  I am excited for you to take a step, shout ENOUGH and see a different way!  If this sounds like a process you would like to embark on, please go to the  Speak To Me page and let’s see if we can work together!

As in the previous article here are a few quotes that will encourage you as you shout ENOUGH!

Maintaining healthy friendships is hard to do. People can be fickle, and a small dose of “craziness” can send a friendship spiraling. In spite of our faults—and we all have them—we need each other. We all have our quirks and foibles, and heaven knows we want tolerance. So why not give some of that tolerance to others? This does not mean that you tolerate wrongdoing, hurtful behavior and flagrant boundary violations. But you must show the same patience and kindness you expect in return.  Scripture says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17).  Henry Cloud

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing. – Theodore Roosevelt

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. – Maya Angelou

Those who are at war with others are not at peace with themselves. – William Hazlitt

You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory. – J. Donald Walters

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. – Ephesians 4:32

On the path to wellness and wholeness, there are many gates to close.  Closing the gate means not leaving loose ends hanging.  Steve Arteburn

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort—the opening terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing—the opening a wonderfully joyous moment. – Andy Rooney

Sometimes you only get one chance to rewrite the qualities of the character you played in a person’s life story. Always take it. Never let the world read the wrong version of you. – Unknown

Enough, ENOUGH, ahhh, enough! Part 1 of 3

“Enough”, that is the word we are going to look at in this series.   This will be a 3 part series on “Enough”.

First, the past, what I did, what others did/didn’t do is “enough”.  We can’t change the past but we can learn from it, we can forgive others and ourselves and even be thankful for the past.

Second, “ENOUGH”, where are you desiring to take action to make a change, to set a boundary, to stop blaming and/or making excuses?

Third, “Enough” – we have enough, we are enough, looking forward to sharing out of my enough abundance.

Part 1 – “Enough” – The past.

Do you ever find yourself playing old tapes or movies over and over in your head?  Are they helping you become who you desire to be?  Are you holding on to things from your past that are tripping you up today?  Have you forgiven others and yourself for the past?  What can we learn from our past to help us in our present and future?  Have you acknowledged even said Thank You, to those in your past?

Most of us have tapes or movies from our past that play in our heads from time to time.  These tapes may be keeping us in a past where we feel guilt, hurt, anger, shame or fear.   How is that shaping our present?  Will we allow those movies to shape our future?  What would happen if we hit the pause button on the movie, re-examined our past and learned to look at our past in a way that says “enough”?

What we knew then and how we reacted to our situation at that time was “enough”.  We didn’t know then what we know now. The people in our lives that may have hurt us acted out of what they knew at the time. What we know to be true now can be used to look back, to help us put the tapes into a new perspective, to help us forgive ourselves and others.  Rewinding can help us learn from our experiences and to grow from those situations.   Will Rogers, actor, from the early 1930’s said, “The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don’t let it get the best of you.”  Here is another way to say it, It takes a lot of strength and courage to put the past behind you and stand up and say: ” I will not let it define me.” To push forward and create the life that you truly deserve and not focus on bad things that life handed you in the past. — Unknown- Positive Outlook Blog

Are you ready to rewind, and re-examine?  Do you desire to learn, forgive, release, and thank others and yourself? It has worked for me and for others I’ve had the privilege to coach.  If this is something you have felt drawn to change, let’s see what we can do together! Please go to the Speak To Me page and complete the simple form.

If it helps you, here is an example from my past.  One of the tapes I have rewound was from my Gramma.  I was able to spend a lot of time with my grandparents as I was growing up, a lot of the great things I know to be true came from conversations with my grandparents, but some of what I THOUGHT was true also came from my grandparents.  One of my Gramma’s gifts was hospitality.  She cooked, bake, decorated and welcomed guests and family into their home.  Gramma, however, had a strange custom to never sit with us at the meal, but would serve us.  She may have sat down for a minute or two but there was always a dish to fill or new item to bring to the table.  If we did not empty a dish, say the meatballs, she would say, ‘there are meatballs left, don’t you love me?’ which would then have me grab and eat the last of the meatballs or whatever item was left.  Not surprisingly, hearing these comments and others like it, I developed into a chubby obedient girl.  Several years into this routine, as I continued to grow chubbier, Gramma would say, “When you get down to a size __, then I’ll buy you some new clothes.”  Hmmm, how do you please, win, or really process those statements together?  Eat to show love, but when you are chubby, you are not worthy, I won’t buy you clothes until you are thinner…..Hmmmm.

We have different tapes or movies, but….what can we learn from them to move to “enough”?  I realized that Gramma wanted her love tank filled by people accepting and eating up her hospitality – it’s what she knew, her “enough”.  The sideways comments to get me to be healthy was not only confusing but set me up for some long years of image issues and weight problems!!   I acted out of what I desired at the time – wanted to feel love from Gramma and others, be accepted, and feel worthy.  I was able to rewind the tape, realize the shame I took on, and how that affected my behaviors through the years.  With processing, learning and some guidance from a counselor/coach, I was able to thank my Gramma for teaching me awesome hospitality gifts.  I learned that one of the ways I receive love is serving others.  I also learned to NOT be filled by what people DO with my gifts – just by the practice of DOING hospitality, serving others, making them feel welcome, fills my love tank!  That is “enough”! The biggest learning, however, I AM worthy, loveable and able to share out of my love.  I am “enough”.

What tapes or movies play for you and how can we turn those around to realizing what you did, what they did was what they knew, accept it for what it is…..thank them for what you learned and move on?!  If you need some guidance in this area, I would love the opportunity to work with you.  Face to face is preferred for coaching and that is possible in person and/or on SKYPE!  Please go to the Speak To Me page, compete the form and let’s chat about how we can work together!

I collected a few quotes that gave me a fresh perspective on “enough”, learning from the past, forgiving and moving forward to a full life of “enough”.  Collecting quotes is one of my hobbies!  Enjoy and be encouraged!

For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give. – Eleanor Roosevelt

When we do the best that we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another. – Helen Keller

When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future. – Bernard Meltzer

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on. – Bill Cosby

You can’t forgive without loving. And I don’t mean sentimentality. I don’t mean mush. I mean having enough courage to stand up and say, ‘I forgive. I’m finished with it.’ – Maya Angelou

When I am able to resist the temptation to judge others, I can see them as teachers of forgiveness in my life, reminding me that I can only have peace of mind when I forgive rather than judge. – Gerald Jampolsky

I wouldn’t change anything. I’ve made mistakes, but thanks to those mistakes, I’ve learned. – Enrique Iglesias

Thank you for reading, hope to hear from you either in comments or through the Speak To Me page!  Parts 2 & 3 are to come.

Mistakes: opportunity or problem

Mistakes, I’ve made several, we have all made mistakes at one time or another.   Mistakes are so “normal” that songs are written about them.  Here are a few I’m aware of:

Queen – We are the Champions –“And bad mistakes I’ve made a few I’ve had my share of sand kicked in my face”

Bob Marley – Mistakes – “I made a mistake, yes, I did, yes, I did”

Smokey Robinson – Oh Baby, Baby – “Mistakes, I know I’ve made a few.  But I’m only human.  You’ve made mistakes too”

If we all make mistakes, do we all react to the outcome the same way?  Do we all change whatever behavior or choices we’ve made to NOT make the same mistake again?   In my life I’ll admit mistakes have been repeated.  Meaning I didn’t learn the first time around, OR, I didn’t stop to find out how my behavior influenced the situations where mistakes occurred.  Do you ever find yourself in a different situation but with the same mistakes being made?  You are not alone and you can change!

Mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow.  Mistakes and the situations they bring are new chances for us to take a different approach!  In this article we’ll focus on dating relationships.  A man or woman find what they believe to be their “perfect” dating partner.  The excitement and anticipation build for this new potential relationship.  However, like their previous dating relationships in a few weeks or months….BAM….”it” happens again!  The “it”, can be different for everyone, but why “it” keeps happening is the same.  If you have not dealt with the “it” from your last relationship, stopped to discover your part in the situation and learned a new way to act/think – you WILL repeat “it”!

Have you thought or have you heard others say, “Why does this always happen to me?” or “Why do all the men/women I date end up doing the same thing as my last date?”  Stop!  It’s time to investigate what is happening, deal with your findings, change your thoughts/behavior patterns and head in a new direction!  How do we do that?! Here are several options.  You could ask a close friend to be honest with you and tell you what they see as a pattern.  You can ask a family member for advice. You can seek out a Life Coach – someone that will help you sort out what is happening, think of other ways to think/act, set a plan in place, hold you accountable and guide you to reach your highest potential.  I would enjoy the opportunity to talk with you to see if we would be a good fit for a Life Coach relationship.  Simply go to the Speak To Me page, fill out the brief form and we’ll be in contact!  One of my favorite quotes of Albert Einstein is “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  Let’s see what I can do to help you have different results!

We have focused here on the dating relationship but this applies to all areas of your life, marriage, job, family, church, work and more.  If you find yourself living with consequences of past or present mistakes, or if you are thinking it will never change, let’s work together.  We will sort through the situation, learn different responses, new thought processes and set a plan in place to change your focus from mistakes are problems to opportunities for growth!!  Go to the Speak To Me page, complete the form and we can talk about what steps to take next!  Here’s to changing mistakes into growth opportunities!

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