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Have you noticed there have been a lot of lists for starting something in the new year? Lists that tell you…..what to do, when to do it, why you do it……10 steps to a better _____, the first 3 things to do to have a better____, what your spouse needs from you, what you need from your job…..and many more. Are your inboxes filled, newsfeeds rolling with ideas, tweets, retweets, posts, reposts and on and on. Have you found yourself asking – But what to work on first? What area to focus on? What is going to be the best for you? Who is going to do it with me? Should I do it all alone? And then finding yourself yelling, “STOP, I can’t make up my mind, so I’m not going to do any of it!” You are not alone.
What I love about this time of year is the strong intention we all have to make an improvement. Whether that improvement is in our physical, spiritual, mental, relationships or emotional areas of life, we want to have “it” be better or at least different than it is now. I’ve heard from some that the options are too many, the work is too hard or the project is JUST TOO BIG. So, they just won’t do any of it! Why even try? They tell me, I will be doing the same thing over and over again without getting any different results. Well, that may be true if we continue to start but not finish, if we don’t have anyone to help us along the way, or if we have started to work on something that really doesn’t fit with our values, life or situation.
If this sounds familiar maybe you need a little guidance. I would welcome the chance to explore what you want to change, improve or stop doing. Over this past year I have been privileged to coach people in many different areas of life. We’ve worked through job changes, job loss and career changes. I’ve been able to coach couples to learn new communication skills and practices to deepen their relationship. Several are working through past belief’s that have held them hostage to ways of behavior that are not honoring who they are or who they desire to be. Others have felt a nudge to do something in their life, but had difficulty clarifying that “something”, together we worked through finding their gifts, values and what they have been called to do. It’s been an exciting year of growth, discovery, challenges and changes! Are you ready? I would be honored to coach you through changes, improvements, challenges and new discoveries, let’s do this together. Let’s make 2015 different! Please go to the Speak To Me page and we’ll start together. We can work together in person, by phone, through SKYPE, individually, as a couple or even as a group. The first step is to reach out!
Blessings to you on this new year!
We recently took a walk in our favorite local park. We were saddened to see that the BIG oak tree had fallen and lay cut in pieces to be taken away. This tree, by our semi-scientific calculations, was over 250 years old. What we loved about this tree is it stood so majestically at the bottom a hill flanked by benches for storytelling time, waving its beautiful branches in the wind. But, as we investigated a bit, the core of the tree was rotted away. Hmmm, without the tree being down and cut, we would not have seen the rotted inside. There were probably signs previous to it falling, like branches falling off more frequently, maybe some insects running up and down its bark, or a large number of acorns being produced in the last year….which we learned from a tree “guy” is a sign that the tree is in distress. Whatever the little signs might have been we missed them and were surprised to find this majestic oak tree down.
What does this have to do with anything but an old oak tree falling? I think it has a lot of similarities to how we are at times. We put on a good front when inside we are crying out for something. Others may look great on the outside but suffer from disease. Or we look great, strong and powerful on the outside but inside we are feeling empty, lonely or depressed. What can be done to prevent our insides from “rotting” away and causing us to fall from the discord inside of us? If we are not feeling well or feeling like something just isn’t right, we can go to a doctor. They have been gifted with wisdom and have access to many tools to look inside to see what might be wrong. When we get a diagnosis, we can then start the treatment to get better, from the inside out! We have friends who recently lost someone special in their life, he ignored signs of something being wrong and finally when the symptoms became debilitating he went to a doctor. “The cancer is too advanced, there is nothing we can do. I’m sorry,” was the diagnosis. How terribly sad for all involved.
I know from my own experience that something was wrong with my body several years ago. That strange numbness and tingling was on my left side and now going to the right side. MRI’s were ordered and when we saw the lesions on my spine and in my brain we knew we were dealing with MS. Treatment with medication, eating well and exercising, I feel healthier than I ever have before. We found the issue and we have made plans to address it. In the next article, we will deal with times when the inside is good, but the outside doesn’t perform or look as good…..another topic completely…stay tuned.
What about those of us who are crying on the inside. Eventually your outside will show what is on the inside. No it won’t Chris, I’ve hidden it for years, you might be thinking. I have to disagree with you. When we fake health, whether that be physical, emotional or spiritual it WILL come out! Maybe we try to cover it up with alcohol, keeping our relationships at surface level, or we have practices of coping we do in private. Whatever we are doing to hide it, cover it up or push it to the back of our mind, it is making us sick – rotting on the inside. What can be done? Plenty! If you are ready to change, heal and live a fuller life! You can visit a counselor who can work with you to discover the root of your inside trouble and help you heal. You can seek out a recovery group that can help you address the issues you are covering up with other things. You can reach out to someone that you trust who can walk with you on this journey of healing from the inside out. The important step is to start!
Okay, you might be saying, Chris I am healthy, I have a good life, but I do sometimes feel like there is more to life, I’m just not sure what or if it’s just silly for me to think that way. I’m not really rotting on the inside, but I do feel like there is something missing. There are some things you too can do! If you are feeling unfulfilled in your job, relationships, marriage, or spiritual life, there are things you can do to help you find the missing piece or pieces. Are you in a job that fits with your values or do you struggle every day as you prepare for going to work with questions or worse – dread? Do the people in your life share your beliefs and values? Are they helping you grow? Have you helped them grow? Are you deepening your understanding of what you believe spiritually? Are you living out what you are learning? Would others be able to acknowledge what you believe by the way you behave? There are things you can do to become healthier on the inside, how you can find those missing pieces and how you can live a more purposeful fulfilled life. Find someone you trust and open up to them about your concerns of feeling empty. Search for guidance from a coworker, leader in your church, family member or friend you trust. You can also receive guidance from a counselor or Life Coach. I would be honored to talk with you about your desired next step or help you discover your next step, simply go to the Speak To Me page and we can connect. Together we can discover, grow and develop your purpose. You will bless yourself and those around you! Whatever you choose to do, I ask you to DO SOMETHING. Your inside and your outside can match, your life can be driven by your purpose and values…..a fulfilled life!
If you are aware of someone who would benefit from this article please feel free to pass it along and/or share.
“Enough”, that is the word we are going to look at in this series. This will be a 3 part series on “Enough”.
First, the past, what I did, what others did/didn’t do is “enough”. We can’t change the past but we can learn from it, we can forgive others and ourselves and even be thankful for the past.
Second, “ENOUGH”, where are you desiring to take action to make a change, to set a boundary, to stop blaming and/or making excuses?
Third, “Enough” – we have enough, we are enough, looking forward to sharing out of my enough abundance.
Part 1 – “Enough” – The past.
Do you ever find yourself playing old tapes or movies over and over in your head? Are they helping you become who you desire to be? Are you holding on to things from your past that are tripping you up today? Have you forgiven others and yourself for the past? What can we learn from our past to help us in our present and future? Have you acknowledged even said Thank You, to those in your past?
Most of us have tapes or movies from our past that play in our heads from time to time. These tapes may be keeping us in a past where we feel guilt, hurt, anger, shame or fear. How is that shaping our present? Will we allow those movies to shape our future? What would happen if we hit the pause button on the movie, re-examined our past and learned to look at our past in a way that says “enough”?
What we knew then and how we reacted to our situation at that time was “enough”. We didn’t know then what we know now. The people in our lives that may have hurt us acted out of what they knew at the time. What we know to be true now can be used to look back, to help us put the tapes into a new perspective, to help us forgive ourselves and others. Rewinding can help us learn from our experiences and to grow from those situations. Will Rogers, actor, from the early 1930’s said, “The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don’t let it get the best of you.” Here is another way to say it, It takes a lot of strength and courage to put the past behind you and stand up and say: ” I will not let it define me.” To push forward and create the life that you truly deserve and not focus on bad things that life handed you in the past. — Unknown- Positive Outlook Blog
Are you ready to rewind, and re-examine? Do you desire to learn, forgive, release, and thank others and yourself? It has worked for me and for others I’ve had the privilege to coach. If this is something you have felt drawn to change, let’s see what we can do together! Please go to the Speak To Me page and complete the simple form.
If it helps you, here is an example from my past. One of the tapes I have rewound was from my Gramma. I was able to spend a lot of time with my grandparents as I was growing up, a lot of the great things I know to be true came from conversations with my grandparents, but some of what I THOUGHT was true also came from my grandparents. One of my Gramma’s gifts was hospitality. She cooked, bake, decorated and welcomed guests and family into their home. Gramma, however, had a strange custom to never sit with us at the meal, but would serve us. She may have sat down for a minute or two but there was always a dish to fill or new item to bring to the table. If we did not empty a dish, say the meatballs, she would say, ‘there are meatballs left, don’t you love me?’ which would then have me grab and eat the last of the meatballs or whatever item was left. Not surprisingly, hearing these comments and others like it, I developed into a chubby obedient girl. Several years into this routine, as I continued to grow chubbier, Gramma would say, “When you get down to a size __, then I’ll buy you some new clothes.” Hmmm, how do you please, win, or really process those statements together? Eat to show love, but when you are chubby, you are not worthy, I won’t buy you clothes until you are thinner…..Hmmmm.
We have different tapes or movies, but….what can we learn from them to move to “enough”? I realized that Gramma wanted her love tank filled by people accepting and eating up her hospitality – it’s what she knew, her “enough”. The sideways comments to get me to be healthy was not only confusing but set me up for some long years of image issues and weight problems!! I acted out of what I desired at the time – wanted to feel love from Gramma and others, be accepted, and feel worthy. I was able to rewind the tape, realize the shame I took on, and how that affected my behaviors through the years. With processing, learning and some guidance from a counselor/coach, I was able to thank my Gramma for teaching me awesome hospitality gifts. I learned that one of the ways I receive love is serving others. I also learned to NOT be filled by what people DO with my gifts – just by the practice of DOING hospitality, serving others, making them feel welcome, fills my love tank! That is “enough”! The biggest learning, however, I AM worthy, loveable and able to share out of my love. I am “enough”.
What tapes or movies play for you and how can we turn those around to realizing what you did, what they did was what they knew, accept it for what it is…..thank them for what you learned and move on?! If you need some guidance in this area, I would love the opportunity to work with you. Face to face is preferred for coaching and that is possible in person and/or on SKYPE! Please go to the Speak To Me page, compete the form and let’s chat about how we can work together!
I collected a few quotes that gave me a fresh perspective on “enough”, learning from the past, forgiving and moving forward to a full life of “enough”. Collecting quotes is one of my hobbies! Enjoy and be encouraged!
For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give. – Eleanor Roosevelt
When we do the best that we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another. – Helen Keller
When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future. – Bernard Meltzer
People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on. – Bill Cosby
You can’t forgive without loving. And I don’t mean sentimentality. I don’t mean mush. I mean having enough courage to stand up and say, ‘I forgive. I’m finished with it.’ – Maya Angelou
When I am able to resist the temptation to judge others, I can see them as teachers of forgiveness in my life, reminding me that I can only have peace of mind when I forgive rather than judge. – Gerald Jampolsky
I wouldn’t change anything. I’ve made mistakes, but thanks to those mistakes, I’ve learned. – Enrique Iglesias
Thank you for reading, hope to hear from you either in comments or through the Speak To Me page! Parts 2 & 3 are to come.
Mistakes, I’ve made several, we have all made mistakes at one time or another. Mistakes are so “normal” that songs are written about them. Here are a few I’m aware of:
Queen – We are the Champions –“And bad mistakes I’ve made a few I’ve had my share of sand kicked in my face”
Bob Marley – Mistakes – “I made a mistake, yes, I did, yes, I did”
Smokey Robinson – Oh Baby, Baby – “Mistakes, I know I’ve made a few. But I’m only human. You’ve made mistakes too”
If we all make mistakes, do we all react to the outcome the same way? Do we all change whatever behavior or choices we’ve made to NOT make the same mistake again? In my life I’ll admit mistakes have been repeated. Meaning I didn’t learn the first time around, OR, I didn’t stop to find out how my behavior influenced the situations where mistakes occurred. Do you ever find yourself in a different situation but with the same mistakes being made? You are not alone and you can change!
Mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow. Mistakes and the situations they bring are new chances for us to take a different approach! In this article we’ll focus on dating relationships. A man or woman find what they believe to be their “perfect” dating partner. The excitement and anticipation build for this new potential relationship. However, like their previous dating relationships in a few weeks or months….BAM….”it” happens again! The “it”, can be different for everyone, but why “it” keeps happening is the same. If you have not dealt with the “it” from your last relationship, stopped to discover your part in the situation and learned a new way to act/think – you WILL repeat “it”!
Have you thought or have you heard others say, “Why does this always happen to me?” or “Why do all the men/women I date end up doing the same thing as my last date?” Stop! It’s time to investigate what is happening, deal with your findings, change your thoughts/behavior patterns and head in a new direction! How do we do that?! Here are several options. You could ask a close friend to be honest with you and tell you what they see as a pattern. You can ask a family member for advice. You can seek out a Life Coach – someone that will help you sort out what is happening, think of other ways to think/act, set a plan in place, hold you accountable and guide you to reach your highest potential. I would enjoy the opportunity to talk with you to see if we would be a good fit for a Life Coach relationship. Simply go to the Speak To Me page, fill out the brief form and we’ll be in contact! One of my favorite quotes of Albert Einstein is “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Let’s see what I can do to help you have different results!
We have focused here on the dating relationship but this applies to all areas of your life, marriage, job, family, church, work and more. If you find yourself living with consequences of past or present mistakes, or if you are thinking it will never change, let’s work together. We will sort through the situation, learn different responses, new thought processes and set a plan in place to change your focus from mistakes are problems to opportunities for growth!! Go to the Speak To Me page, complete the form and we can talk about what steps to take next! Here’s to changing mistakes into growth opportunities!