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ENOUGH!! Part 2 of 3

Have you thought, ENOUGH?  Ever wanted to say, ENOUGH!?  Have you SHOUTED, ENOUGH!!?  These thoughts, words, cries, shouts, prayers, self-talk conversations and real conversations are the focus for this part article 2 of 3 on ENOUGH.   In the first article we talked about how we ARE enough!  Rewinding our tapes, extending forgiveness, learning from our past and being grateful.  This article will focus on ENOUGH, when we realize what behaviors, situations, practices, habits, thoughts, relationships and more…..have to STOP!!!

First, a caution or actually a WARNING for some of you.  In relationships we may come to a crossroad because of another’s actions towards us.  If you are experiencing physical, emotional pain or injury at the hands of someone else…..GET HELP!  There are crisis hotlines, the police, and other agencies to help you.  Here is one resource, National Domestic Violence Hotline – 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233). Find other resources to help you in your community at a doctor’s office, the library, online, phone books…..please do it, make the call, your life is valuable and you are worth it!  Cry from the mountaintops – ENOUGH!

For others, your situation may not be at that critical intersection, however, you have been feeling the need to say ENOUGH to your friend, spouse, sibling, child, family member, co-worker, boss, subordinate, another person or yourself.  Say it with me now, ENOUGH!  You are the only one who can take charge and stop receiving those behaviors from others or exhibiting those behaviors yourself.

What behaviors you might be asking?  Any behavior that is hurting you, conversations that belittle you or cause you to feel “less than”, situations that cause pain to others, behaviors that are not aligned with your values, unhealthy choices, all can stop.  While the time we have accepted that behavior, those words, jokes, sarcasm, and actions has been the norm in our past, it does not mean it has to stay that way.  ENOUGH!  Today is the first day of the rest of your life, so the saying goes.

It’s time to ask yourself a few questions.  If I desire to feel worthy does that type of behavior move my thoughts and/or actions towards my desire of feeling worthy or does it move me away from feeling valuable?  Does the behavior of that person, myself or those people help guide me toward positive goals and outcomes or not?  Is that person’s or my behavior something I want as a part of my legacy?  Do I want to pass that behavior, habit, those words, that action along to others in my life?

For some of us, we really don’t know.  Our lives have been in this pattern for so long, we don’t have a clue how it could be different.  Where do we start?  Do you desire to make a change?  Your values, beliefs, goals, past, purpose, relationships can be investigated, examined, and reviewed. You can put boundaries in place to put your life in control.  You CAN do this, you are worthy – it’s time to scream ENOUGH!!!

If this is something that you would like assistance doing, you can reach out to a counselor, trusted friend, family member or like myself, a Life Coach.  Here is the link to the Speak To Me page to connect with me. The power is yours, the desire to change, set boundaries, and improve is yours.  If what you feel right now about your situation is a desire to be different, a step is necessary.  This is exciting, scary, thrilling yet unsettling.  Change is like that.  When you take the first step you are empowering yourself to make a difference in your life.  Powerful!

For a quick example, going from our first article in this series, I described an ongoing issue with body image.  When I realized tapes were playing that tangled me in behaviors that resulted in a large size, poor health, low energy and other issues, I said ENOUGH!  I participated in a group that was starting about health issues – changing behaviors to better our health and lose weight.  I had tried several previously but this was different!  This study group had us look at why we did things, what was our motivation and held us accountable to the behaviors we desired to change.  This group I believe, saved my life.  It certainly changed my life!!  After months of participation, behavioral, emotional, spiritual and physical changes with accountability I was able to shed many pounds, take up new activities, have additional energy and bottom line?  I really liked who I was becoming!  It’s a process, there have been some setbacks that I have chosen with my own behaviors and other dynamics that happened.  I am comfortable with me, I am enough.  I continue to look for ways to better my health – in all areas, physical, emotional, spiritually and behavioral.  This is a journey and I am excited about the journey.

What would your life look like if you shouted ENOUGH and took steps to either set up new boundaries, remove yourself from a situation or relationship, learned a new behavior and/or moved forward to set goals to become a person with a purpose?  How would that affect your day to day life?  How do you see that possibility playing out in your life?  I am excited for you to take a step, shout ENOUGH and see a different way!  If this sounds like a process you would like to embark on, please go to the  Speak To Me page and let’s see if we can work together!

As in the previous article here are a few quotes that will encourage you as you shout ENOUGH!

Maintaining healthy friendships is hard to do. People can be fickle, and a small dose of “craziness” can send a friendship spiraling. In spite of our faults—and we all have them—we need each other. We all have our quirks and foibles, and heaven knows we want tolerance. So why not give some of that tolerance to others? This does not mean that you tolerate wrongdoing, hurtful behavior and flagrant boundary violations. But you must show the same patience and kindness you expect in return.  Scripture says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17).  Henry Cloud

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing. – Theodore Roosevelt

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. – Maya Angelou

Those who are at war with others are not at peace with themselves. – William Hazlitt

You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory. – J. Donald Walters

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. – Ephesians 4:32

On the path to wellness and wholeness, there are many gates to close.  Closing the gate means not leaving loose ends hanging.  Steve Arteburn

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort—the opening terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing—the opening a wonderfully joyous moment. – Andy Rooney

Sometimes you only get one chance to rewrite the qualities of the character you played in a person’s life story. Always take it. Never let the world read the wrong version of you. – Unknown

Change is………….

We experience change every day, change is a constant in life. The weather changes, seasons change, the moon’s phases change, people change and so do we. At times we feel we are “forced” to change through circumstances, whether they are our own doing or things we feel are “out of our control”. Depending on how we think we can look at change as opportunity to grow, a blessing or even a new opportunity in our life. It’s what we DO with change that impacts our life. We can be proactive, choosing to make changes that help us grow, taking actions that fit our values to better our lives, OR, we can choose to let circumstances dictate our lives. After living in a mindset of “just letting things happen” and moving to value driven changes in my life, I know where I want to be!

Several years ago I was invited to join a group that was doing a weight loss study. Mind you, I was large, I outweighed many NFL offensive line players. I knew I would always be a big girl and that was confirmed by the generations of large folks in my family. Why try to make a change, I’m predestined to be big….that’s how it’s been, the cards I was dealt. The new group started, I was so sure it would not work, I did not purchase the study materials until 3 weeks into the session. By week 6, I did start to lose weight, I was changing the way I thought – why I ate, how I cooked, and purchased food! I actually started to set goals and each goal that I achieved I set a new one. It was a LOT of change but it was GREAT! I was able to be more active, I felt better, others were inspired and joined me and we all succeeded. That step to join the group changed the way I thought about food, physical activity and more, even today! I’m still learning, still looking at ways to change my eating and exercise habits and hopefully, still inspiring others to lead a healthier lifestyle. I had no idea I valued the ability to be more active or that I valued helping others achieve their goals. What an exciting new opportunity!

In their book, Change Is Good…You Go First, Mac Anderson & Tom Feltenstein remark – “Change can be a wonderful gift. In fact, it is the key that unlocks the doors to growth and excitement in any organization.” I would add, change is a wonderful gift in each of our lives especially when we believe that changes do make life better, and can help us be more aligned with our values.

Are you thinking of making a change in your lifestyle, family time, personal time or even in your career….how does that make you feel? Does the possibility give you a feeling of excitement? Or, when you think of making a change does it bring up more questions, more angst or even dread? If the latter is the case, the changes you are preparing to make may not be in alignment with your values.

Changes you make that are aligned with your values will most likely succeed. However, if you are making a change that is not in alignment with your values, that will be a struggle. Are you more inclined to make a change that fits your values? More importantly, do you know your values? If you were to sit down and write your top 3 values could you do it? Again, if you are making a change that is not in alignment with what you value, it probably won’t be a change that you are able to keep or even want to keep!

Defining your values will help you make positive changes, will help you in everyday decisions AND it will help you be more intentional in life which will help you find your purpose! I would enjoy working with you to explore, identify and define your values. Your thoughts, changes, goals, life and purpose will be more enjoyable, clear and successful.

Please go to the Speak To Me page, complete the easy form and let’s see how working together will impact your life!

Our Backyard Friends and the Uniqueness of YOU

We are blessed to have undeveloped park land behind our home.  This brings the opportunity for a LOT of wildlife in our backyard!  Birds, deer, coyote, butterflies, squirrels, snakes, possum and one sighting of a mink to name a few!  My hubby, Brian, has been feeding the birds for years with several types of feeders.  We enjoy the visits from many types of birds throughout the seasons.  We live in SE Wisconsin, it seems we can experience several seasons within a few days.

This Spring we have been blessed with new sightings and the return of old feathered friends.  Today we have three pair of Cardinals – their song is beautiful and the flash of red as the males fly in and out of the big pine tree is amazing.  Not sure if we have four or five couples of House Finches who travel with their mate everywhere – feeders, oranges on the table, grape jelly dish on the feeder pole, birdbath for a cool drink – together always, the male with his red head and the female with her brown stripes.  We have been blessed to have two sets of Baltimore Orioles, who are brilliant orange with black and one Orchard Oriole, who is brick red with black, this season.  They visit us at the feeders often flying from one to the other with their beaks full of jelly and nectar.  The hummingbirds flit from our two feeders and this year we added a swing for their (our) enjoyment, they take a quick drink then fly to the top of our neighbors crab apple tree – apparently to be the top bird in the yard.  Grosbeaks, Robins, Sparrows, Blackbirds, Nuthatches, Woodpeckers, Mourning Doves and others, fly in, eat, drink, and I think socialize! With the back door and windows open the sounds are calming, refreshing and mesmerizing.  Some days I turn the rocking chair to face the backyard to relax and observe.

What I’ve noticed this year, different from years past, are several deviations from the norm in our wildlife friends.  Whether by injury or design, we have some unique, special looking wildlife friends.  The first to come and visit was our squirrel friend who lost his tail from an encounter with the large Cooper Hawk.  We thoroughly enjoy his antics as he bounces in the yard doing all the normal squirrel things, but with a different twist and purpose in his movements. We noticed last week we have a female House Finch that lost an eye.  She and her mate come to the feeders, birdbath and extra fruit treats regularly, they are now teaching their young ones how to feed themselves.  A lovely sight of loyalty and parenting with a few adaptations to help her with her tasks.  The third anomaly we noticed is a female Cardinal without any feathers on her head.  She looks like she has a black leather hat on, she too just goes about the business of feeding and caring for herself, her mate and little one.

As I reflect on our wildlife friends, I think how does this apply to me?  To US?  Each of us are created uniquely, with gifts, personalities, preferences and appearances different from anyone else.  We are created in the image of God Genesis 1:27.   Some of us have lost sight of our beauty and our uniqueness.  We carry scars, loss, and disappointments around with us, not seeing the beauty and opportunity to use our unique experiences to better our world and the people around us!   Like the nature friends in our backyard it might take some adaptations or support from others for you to see your unique qualities.  I encourage you to look at your scars, reflect on your challenges, remember and celebrate your experiences to see what you can learn.  Ask yourself how you can use that awareness for the betterment of yourself, your family, all those around you and beyond!  You have a purpose, you are gifted, a unique creation that can make a difference in the world!   “Every man and woman is born into the world to do something unique and something distinctive and if he or she does not do it, it will never be done.”  Benjamin E. Mays

I found this to be true in my own life.  In the Fall of 2007 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis  What sounded like a death sentence has become one of the best ways for me to connect with others.  I changed the name Multiple Sclerosis to More Special, because I am!  With a few adaptations, support from my family and friends I can see how MS is a unique blessing in my life.   I make opportunities to hike, work, learn, discover, create & play daily, which I know encourages others.  No matter your history or your present situation, you can find your purpose and bless others through your uniqueness!

Do you want to find out more about YOU and how you can make a difference?  Swing by the Speak To Me page and complete the simple form then I will connect with you.  Let’s see how we can work together to guide you in your new awareness, to clarify your unique gifts, set goals to find and put into action your purpose!

Ugh, I’m Just Spinning My Wheels!!

Have you felt that way?   Do you wonder why you are so busy but not fulfilled?   I know that feeling!   In my past I was doing so much, busy all the time, but I was not making a difference.   One of my values is, trying to make a difference, I was not living in my purpose.

What would you say are your values?   Community involvement, relationships, career advancement, money, adventure, helping others…?   Everyone values something!   Our values are how we prioritize our time, energy, resources… our values help define our purpose.

If you were to describe yourself and your values, would the things you spend your time and energy on, line up with your description?   Are your values part of your everyday life?   Do you filter your decisions throughout the day or set goals for next week, month, year, and beyond through your values? Do your values help you set your priorities?   Are your values driving your life’s purpose?
When your values are aligned with your thoughts, how you are spending your time, your energy, and resources, your life is good, in balance – on purpose!   When your time, energy, resources and thoughts are not aligning with your values, there is something just not right!   Life is not running on all cylinders – priorities are all messed up – we don’t feel like we are fulfilled.
Not sure if you are living your values?   Here is a simple exercise; take a look at your calendar – do the appointments you have set line up with what you value?   Or are the hours you have in a day consumed by other things?   What is taking your time and energy?   Now open your online bank statement or open your checkbook register – do you spend your resources based on your values?

When I first did this exercise years ago, it was enlightening to see that, no, I was NOT spending my time, energy or resources on things that were important to me.   No wonder I was feeling out of sorts!   I did some work to clarify my values, get more in line with them.    After that work, I was able to understand and clarify my life’s purpose – Helping others reach their highest potential through equipping, developing, leading and encouraging!  Wow, what a difference clarification made in my life! Life is good!
If you would like to learn more about clarifying your values, setting and achieving goals or finding your life’s purpose, why not contact me and give Life Coaching a try?   Simply go to my Speak To Me page and fill out the  form.   Let’s set up your free 15 minute session to discuss how we can move forward together.

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